Muff Cabbage – what it is and when to say it

South Park did a spoof episode on New Jersey. Being from New Jersey, here is the guide to all of those phrases used in the show, what they mean, when to use them, and when to smack your kids for using them, even though they heard it from you 2 minutes earlier.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret – Jersey has a huge identity crises.  We’re not sure if we’re East Philadelphia or Southern New York.  I’m from “East Philadelphia” – or South Jersey – so most of my slang comes from Philly.  Therefore, I eat hoagies and say wooder (water).  If you’re from Southern New York – or North Jersey – you probably eat subs and say woodah.

How many of my friends look like Snooki?  Yeah, I have a couple.  Do I know as many Jersey people who look like stereotypical Jersey people as you see on TV?  No.  Although I have spray tanned.  Once.

How many of my friends could be on Real Housewives of New Jersey?  Yeah, None.  Most of us are REAL housewives, meaning we’re lucky to find two clean articles of clothing in the house that belong to us, and those two pieces are probably stretch pants and a sweat shirt.  We do not hand over $100,000 cash for furniture, and I can honestly say that I have never flipped a table.  Wanted to.  Didn’t.

Muff Cabbage – never used it, never would use it, and yell at your kids right away if they do use it.  You can probably figure out that this is slang for a very private part of the female anatomy.

Cabbage – Money, or this cool fall plant we put in our yards in New Jersey in the fall and winter
Guide to muff cabbage from a Jersey Mom

It’s a Jersey thing – No, it’s not.  If you hear someone from Jersey saying it’s a Jersey thing, they’re trying to account for rude or obnoxious behavior.  We do have some of those types of people here.  We don’t like them any more than you do.

Downashore – Down the Shore – it’s where we flock on summer weekends – not to the beach, not to the boardwalk, we go Down the Shore.

Hoagies – sandwiches stuffed full of lunch meat (deli meat for those of you not from Jersey) and cheese, lettuce and tomato, and all sorts of other stuff.  If you are REALLY from Jersey, you know there’s only one good place to get a hoagie – the place you go (we go to Carmen’s in Bellmawr – and so does Big Daddy from the Food Network)

Gravy – the red, delicious, tomatoey goodness that you put on top of macaroni (pasta) for Sunday dinner

Blow Out – No, not something that happens to your car on the Parkway, headed to AC (Atlantic City).  Blow out is what you do to your hair (or your hair dresser does to your hair) before a big night out.

Smush – Smack your kid in da back a da head – this is Jersey Shore guido for having sex.  I don’t know anyone that smushes – they all pretty much do it using the old fashioned phrases – all of which you should smack your kid for saying.

There are a ton of other Jersey slang phrases.  You might have to come see us to learn some more.  Chances are, though, if you’ve heard it on the Jersey shore, you probably won’t hear it from normal Jersey boys and girls.  After all, they cast of the Jersey shore aren’t really from Jersey.

You’ll all be eating hoagies i…

You’ll all be eating hoagies in a month. It’s a Jersey Thing.

This is a line from the SouthPark episode that parodies the current surge in popularity of all things Jersey.

Or is it a surge?

We’ve always had the Boss (Bruce Springsteen, in case you aren’t from Jersey).  And Bon Jovi is a Jersey boy.  And tomatoes.  Even Campbell’s soup knows Jersey tomatoes are the best tomatoes (although they actually don’t still grow tomatoes here in Jersey, but they did cultivate the original tomatoes for the famous tomato soup here).

Yes, we have the Jersey Shore, but it’s not filled with Guidos with gelled hair and Guidettes with a poof.  You won’t find them in Ocean City.  Ever.

Jersey was first in a lot of things –

First organized baseball game (Hoboken 1846)

First phonograph (invented by Thomas Edison in Menlo Park 1877)

First National Historic Park (Morristown 1933)

First town lighted by electricy (Roselle 1883)

And we’ve had Jersey boys as presidents – Woodrow Wilson and Grover Cleveland (okay, so they weren’t your “big time” presidents like Lincoln, Jefferson, or Kennedy, but hey, we had presidents!)

Jersey has produced quite a few famous people –

Entertainers:

Abbott and Costello, Danny DeVito, Zach Braff, Michael Douglas, John Forsythe, Alan Alda, Michael Landon, Ernie Kovacs, Jack Nicholson, Jon Stewart, The Jonas Brothers, Meryl Street, John Travolta

Authors:

Judy Blume, Peter Benchley, Mary Higgins Clark, James Fenimore Cooper, Stephen Crane, Norman Mailer

Athletes:

Yogi Berra, Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Derek Jeter, Vince Lombardi (I put this in for my friend Kay!!), Carl Lewis, Shaquille O’Neal

And other notables such as Buzz Aldrin, Aaron Burr, Admiral William “Bill” Halsey, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Charles Lindbergh, Annie Oakley, Carl Sagan, Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas, and Martha Stewart

Even Mr. Magoo and Felix the Cat

Maybe that’s where we get the “Jersey Driver!” stereotype?

So hold your head up high, New Jersey.  We’re not just famous for our housewives, Snooki, the Jersey Devil and our Mob ties.

We’ve always had a lot to offer and we’ve got a lot to be proud of – and it’s not all covered in spray tan!

I love fall! We mum-ified our house

I love fall! We mum-ified our house and put our pumpkins out! All I need now is an apple cider doughnut and I’m good ’til Christmas.

Just to the right is a small flag post so the kids can hang up the flags for each month, season and holiday. Its just the right height for them to decorate.