Medical Alert Bracelets for Gastric Bypass Patients

So you’ve had your gastric bypass surgery.  Your diabetes is in remission; your high blood pressure is coming down; and some of the other co-morbidities you worried about are no longer a problem.

Why do you need a medical alert ID bracelet now?

As a gastric bypass patient, you are aware that you are surgically altered – at least abdominally speaking.  If you are unable to speak for yourself and medical personnel need to insert an NG tube, there is a chance that if they do this without the benefit of a scope, they could perforate or damage your pouch and cause further medical complications.  You may not always be in a position to alert doctors, nurses, or other medical personnel that you’ve had gastric bypass surgery, and for some of us, this is not only important, it’s crucial.

Another thing you might want medical professionals to know is that as a gastric bypass patient, you should not be treated with NSAIDS.  Prolonged use of NSAIDS isn’t good for anyone, but with someone that has very little stomach acid to dissolve these medications, there is a greater risk of stomach ulcers.

Some gastric bypass patients also include on their medical alert bracelet “No Sugars”.  This helps to prevent medical treatment using sugar from adversely affecting those patients that have severe dumping issues.

You can find a style to suit your personality, so don’t think you’re stuck with a tacky piece of jewelry you wouldn’t have bought on Halloween at a Dollar Store to round out your costume.  You can find a wide variety of colors, metals, crystals – even Pandora style bracelets.  Some, like the one I wear, have an ID plaque that you can remove and put with a different bracelet as you wish.  Stylish, no?

What should the bracelet say?  Something like this:
Jane Doe
Gastric ByPass
No Blind NG Tube
No NSAIDS/ No Sugars
555-555-1212 (Dr.)

Mine has my name on the front, and the other information on the reverse.

So go ahead and get one.  Better to be safe than suffering with a perforated pouch!

You can find an enormous selection of bracelets at www.laurenshope.com

beautygirlsmom List of Celebrities Who Need a Smack In The Mouth

I know what you’re thinking.  How much free time does this woman has that she’s going to do a list of all the celebrities that need a smack in the mouth?  Obviously, this is going to take weeks to compile this list, and unless she is abandoning her children, neglecting her house, and dumping her husband, no way can she do this list justice.

Well, you’re right.  But I do have a top 5 list, so we’ll start there, and maybe I’ll add to the list as I see fit.

These are in no particular order:

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

I love Barbara Walters, but I have to scratch my head when I try to think about what went into the process of hiring Elisabeth.  She’s loud.  She’s obnoxious.  She is narrow minded.  And while she had awesome abs on Survivor, I’m not sure that qualifies her to be a co-host of a daytime talk show.  Or maybe it does?  Whatever – I can’t watch The View, because it’s not good for my children to hear a constant stream of STFU coming from my mouth.

Everyone named LOHAN

Please.  If your last name is Lohan, chances are, nothing I want to hear is coming out of your mouth.  If your first name is Lindsey?  Honey, you’re a drug addict, and that’s okay.  I’ve seen your parents, and I’m sure you needed something to help erase the memories of the childhood you must have had with the two of those crackpots.  But it’s time to put on your big girl panties and tackle the demons.  Take responsibility for your actions, accept the consequences, and STFU.

If your name is Dina, not only do I want to smack you in the mouth, I want you to open your eyes and see that you’ve ridden your kid’s coattails long enough.  Stop trying to prop up her lifeless body so that you can continue to ride the gravy train she conducts.  The kid’s exhausted, a drug addict, and probably harbors so much hidden anger and resentment at having to support you and the rest of the family that she’ll never be “well”.  So STFU, get a job, and let the kid surround herself with people who love her for her and not her paycheck.

If your name is Michael, brother, you’re lucky I even put you on this list.  A celebrity you are not.  But STFU.

Mel Gibson


I love Mel Gibson movies.  Thoroughly enjoyed the Lethal Weapons.  Loved Braveheart.  Cried my eyes out through The Passion of the Christ.  But the man has some personal issues.  The good thing about the incident with his Baby Mama is that he’s been sort of reclusive.  That’s helping to minimize the racist and woman hating tirades he was hellbent on sharing with all of us.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a smack in the mouth.  He still does.

Everyone Named Gosselin, but Especially Jon

Are these people even celebrities?  Well, they weren’t until we made them celebrities.  Our nosy little selves were just all excited to get a peek into how a couple with eight little rugrats held it all together when there are those of us with only a few that have trouble.  And then when the rumor mill started churning out information about the trouble in parental paradise, we tuned in again in droves to watch the train wreck.

But they have a taste of what it means to be famous; to have the spotlight for way more than your 15 minutes; to be on the cover of tabloid magazines.  And because they are another couple riding the wave of Kid Kash (money you make because of your children), neither of them kept real jobs.  So now that the celebrity ship is sailing, leaving them stranded on the shore, they are having to scramble to gain a foothold before they lose the Kiddie Kash Kow entirely.  And Jon, who thought he was way hotter than he is, and who thought that we as women who took pity on him when he was a brow beaten husband to an overbearing Kate, is finding out that he’s a schlub.  So he Tweets things to try and improve his reputation and our opinion of him.  The Gosselins both deserve a smack in the mouth.

Kanye West

The best thing that ever happened to him was that he effed up big time, ran up on stage like an idiot, and interrupted Taylor Swift’s award acceptance speech.  He’s been front and center virtually ever since, and it’s way past time to end his endless apologies and have him move on.  The dude has been in the news for everything from replacing his bottom teeth with diamonds (there’s a good advertisement for dental hygiene – don’t brush, kids! Save the money you’d be spending on a toothbrush and toothpaste, and someday, when your teeth fall out, you can put diamonds in your mouth!) to dating a Kardashian (don’t ask me which one, because if I had a sixth spot on this list, it would probably be everyone named Kardashian – they’re all annoying!).  I suggest someone slap this guy in the mouth before he takes center stage at the next presidential inauguration.  Apparently, interrupting important speeches is this guy’s ladder to the top!

Jersey Week at Walt Disney World – Fuggedabowdit?

Hey, how YOU doin’? Youse guys ah tinkin’ about goin’ a Disney Weyld? Dinnit youse hear? It’s gonna be Jersey week!  Whaddya kiddin’ me?

Hide your spray tan, fellow Walt Disney World vacationers, Jersey’s coming!

Each fall, during November, the New Jersey Education Association has it’s annual convention.  The convention usually takes place on a Thursday and Friday during election week.  For public school students, this often means having off three days that week, and for many families in Jersey, it’s a great time to head to Walt Disney World without having the kids miss too much school.

So what’s it like for the rest of youse?

Honestly, there aren’t THAT many New Jerseyans fleeing the state to go to Walt Disney World.  You may notice that there are more people from New Jersey in the theme parks, but there isn’t a mass exodus from the Garden State to the Sunshine State.  The parks may be a bit more crowded than usual for this time of year, but for the most part, November is kind of a quiet month until you get to Thanksgiving.

I’ve had people tell me it was crazy busy during Jersey week, but we’ve been there during Jersey week (of course, being from Jersey, it’s almost required that we do it at least once) and we have not felt like the lines were long or we couldn’t find tables to sit at for lunch.  I can go online right now and book rooms without any trouble, so rest assured that every room at every resort is not filled with The Situation and his crew.

So, don’t mind if the popcorn carts are selling water ice; and Cosmic Ray’s is handing out Italian hoagies instead of rotisserie chicken (just kidding).

But I’d pay attention if Vinnie and the gang akses you to show some respect and let dem get to da head a da line.  The bulge in his pocket does NOT mean he’s happy to see you.

Beware the fist pumping princesses.

Just What Does My Husband Think of Me?

See if you can figure it out.

He sent me the link for this video today.  He said he thought it was something I’d like.

Does he think I’m on acid?  Incapable of learning more than 8 words of song lyrics?  Attracted to elderly men with too much facial hair, in need of a haircut?

Whatever it is he thinks, I gotta admit, there might have been some toe tapping going on over here.  Shhhh – don’t tell.

Twitter Updates for 2010-10-22